Wednesday, October 22, 2008

One year ago...

Today marks one year from the day that changed my life.



One year ago I had never experienced an extended stay in an "asylum".



One year ago I had never attempted the "S" word.



One year ago I didn't know how much I liked to write.



One year ago today, I never thought I'd be happy again.



One year ago I didn't own any meditation Cd's.



One year ago I didn't take handfuls of meds twice a day.



One year ago I didn't know how to play shuffleboard.



One year ago I was a totally different person.



October 23rd will forever go down in history as the day that I became a Phoenix. I cried so hard that my cell phone shorted out and I drove home unable to focus on the road through the tears welling in my eyes. I thought I would never be whole again... and that everything I thought I had was gone forever.



I was right... theatre, a boyfriend, multiple complexes I didn't even know I had... they are all going away. I've replaced them with a more fulfilling life! I've learned to write and appreciate religion in a cultural and spiritual way... theatre is fun but its no way to make a life for myself... I never would have learned that before. I've mostly solved the destructive complexes I had though OCD (or CDO -in alphabetical order) still runs rampant through my veins. ;)


Last Halloween I was in a hospital playing cards with a bunch of crazy people (my people... we are a league all our own) with eyeliner smeared around my eye so I would look like a black eyed pea with my loony roommate. We were learning to appreciate life again and took the time to put on some fun makeup (even though the nurses had to supervise). Sometimes I find myself missing the hospital. It was safe, I knew my schedule and that I couldn't be hurt while I was there. Only people I wanted to talk to could reach me... It was my cocoon (like my durna at home). I'm breaking out now... I still "cocoon" as my mom calls it... but only when I'm sick or desperately need to... it isn't for hours a day every day of the week anymore... I'm healing.



In a way I want to thank Robert for breaking up with me over the phone on our 2 year anniversary while I was wearing his promise ring. Now I know I can overcome pretty much anything... but I won't need to again... I've found myself... all in one year.

;)